There are a few rules when it comes to the internet: 1) do not feed the trolls. 2) If you’ve thought of it, there will be a video of it somewhere. 3) The internet was made for cats. If you follow me on Twitter (and if not, do! I can occasionally be witty…), you’ll see that I often refer to my cat, Bronte. She is lovely, but maddening. This has not been helped recently by the fact we’ve both been cooped up in a small house together, slowly developing cabin fever. Today is the day she’s finally allowed out for any length of time and I cannot. wait. Seriously. I mean, she’s cute, but there’s only so much I can take.
For example, she is nicknamed Single White Female, as she is so possessive of Benn. I can come into the living room and she’s laying on his lap, giving me the Evil Stare of Death. I honestly feel that I’m intruding on some personal time. She has him under the paw, too. She takes not one jot of notice of him when he tells her to do something. (She also ignores me, something which I blame him for. Naturally.)
Another thing- she’s aggressively affectionate. I mean, really bullying. I get whiplash when she sets out to rub herself against whichever part of my body she can reach. And the licking. Oh, my word. I could do without being woken up by having my nose licked. Let’s not even go to the times when she tries to go for my earlobes. I do not want to be on those kind of terms with my cat.
But what Bronte is most famous for is sponge hunting. Yes, my cat chooses to show her ‘bravery’ and ‘valour’ by…. jumping up by the sink and stealing kitchen sponges, which she then brings to us (or, outside our door if it’s some godforsaken time in the morning), mewing loudly, repeatedly and insistently until we acknowledge what she’s done. I mean, I hate dealing with dead/barely alive animals, but at least hunting those requires skill/finesse/cunning/stealth. Hunting sponges just requires, well, nothing much. The worrying moment arrived when we realised she was stealing sponges from neighbours. Not only was she a wimp, she was a thieving wimp. We now hide sponges from her on a daily basis.
She is gorgeous, though, isn’t she?