I’m at week 31 and now entering the final countdown now (cue “do-do-do, do-do-do-do-dooooo”) and quite frankly, my body has entered a weird auto-pilot where it’s doing its own thing. For example, in the last few days:
1) I have forgotten 75% of what Benn has told me about anything. This morning, I’d forgotten why he’d left the house/when he would be back/whether he’d gone to cricket. He’d nipped out for money and had told me this two minutes previously.
2) I also appear to have developed even worse hearing than I already have (which is not great. I have a mild hearing impairment as it is.) If people call me, or answer a question, I have absolutely no recollection. Annoying.
3) I can no longer put on my socks. This was made worse by the sight of my husband and my sister sitting watching me for twenty minutes, laughing, as I tried to be-deck my foot with the aforementioned knitted polyester garment. Their argument, as I grumbled, that “You’ve managed to put the sock on the other foot!” is invalid. It is scientifically proven (BY ME) to be harder to put anything on my right foot. I shall be wearing Birkenstocks from now until this baby appears, regardless of the weather. It’s just not worth the backache.
4) As what little common sense I had appears to have left me, putting up the pramette (yes, it’s not a pram, it’s not a buggy, it’s a Frankenstein-ish hybrid of the two) is akin to playing either The Generation Game with Bruce Forsyth breathing down your neck or The Krypton Factor with both hands tied behind your back. I even Skyped my mum to check it ‘looked right’.
5) My love of chocolate is making a solid comeback. But only posh chocolate, you understand. This baby, who has thus far been mostly the product of Yazoo milkshakes, Marmite and Mini-Babybel, has decided he’s developed a taste of the high-life. Finally.
6) I strongly advise you take out shares in whatever company makes Gaviscon. I am drinking gallons of the stuff.
7) I had a very, very strong craving for mulled wine the other day. Of course, I didn’t make any. I sniffed a Christmas candle instead. It’s a poor substitute. I have been looking up recipes for mulled apple juice, but it’s just not really the same…
8) I have made terrible, terrible makeup purchases. I mean, I know I vowed to ‘go brave’ with lipstick this year, but did I really think that this (the ‘Amped’ shade- I think I actually wanted ‘Cherry’ but, er, I can’t remember) would suit me? I have red hair, freckles and PALE SKIN. I wasn’t even planning on buying this shade. I have no idea which part of me thought, “Ooh, HOT PINK FUCHSIA will really complement my pasty skin tone!” Luckily, it’s found a new home here.
I’m sure there are more, but my brain just decided to turn to mush. I’m going back to work next week… this is not going to be easy at all.